Shades of Passion

Here's an insight into the mind of a person who's in love with Music, Art and Science.......:)

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Women's Day? Really???????????

Hi!

I know that many men are not going to like this post, but I guess I've just stopped caring for insensitive people, in general and insensitive men, in particular. I can't say that this post is really MY OWN in the sense of the reason I'm writing it. But yes, the experiences stated are very much my own. Being a woman has never been easy and here are some instances of why!!!!!

(This blog has been inspired by this post written by a girl Annie, who lives in Bombay, the supposedly safe city for women)..............

Well, I must say that the "experiences" started rather early. For me, the fact that I am a girl (means, different from guys) dawned quite late! The primary reason for this being my close proximity with my brother and a life-style quite similar to guys. I used to do all that guys do, climbing trees, climbing hills, plucking fruits, running around, beating up the local bullies, picking up fights etc. So, I did not understand this "pinching", "rubbing" business for a really long time.......

I grew up in Defence campuses in places like Vizag, Bombay etc. So, I guess things were relatively "better" for me compared to civilian life. I didn't have to take local buses, trains etc. to go to school. But this didn't stop those "pinchings", "rubbings" etc. from happening! Who said being in Defence improves men????

At the tender age of 5, I went through a rather traumatic experience! Then, at the age of seven, then, at the age of 12................and if I was to COUNT these, I'll need a log-book...........

As the technology progressed, so did ways of harassing. Earlier, it was personal harassment! People would touch you in places, will sing out to you and in worst cases, assault you. Then, came the phones!!!! There were calls that played cheap songs, rotten stuff was being said on phone, a detailed description of my anatomy was being given, I was called a prostitute, was offered a one-night stand..............all this happened to me before I turned 16..............

Then came, e-mailing...........ah...........I could go on and on writing about the trashy mails I got. There was porn material being sent, dirty things being written about me.............what not!!!!

And the latest to the list: CELL-PHONES!!!! Men catch hold of my cell-phone number from somewhere and just start calling/messaging! I sought the help of Police too! Response: Why don't you change your cell-phone number???

So, it's MY fault that someone has my cell-phone number?

I shall add to Annie's list of things women aren't SUPPOSED to do:

1. You have no right to be enjoying a walk alone at night (no matter how much your heart craves for it..........
2. You CAN NOT watch a movie alone (particularly in North India where guys think it's their right to tease you if you're there alone watching a movie)
3. You can't wear the clothes of your choice (even if it's a salwar-suit, there'll be some scoundrel hanging around staring at you with lust in his eyes)
4. You can't work late (someone has to be there to escort you back)..........

My list could go on and on as it makes me really angry as to why men can't just control their libido!!!!!!! And what surprises me the most if that most of these "lewd" types are the uncle-ji category.........ranging in age from 35-50, married and having children of their own too! It's really beyond me as to HOW and WHY they are so frustrated!!!!

Pritesh

9 Comments:

  • At Wednesday, March 08, 2006 2:04:00 AM, Blogger fuse me said…

    I will just repeat your last sentence.

    It's really beyond me as to HOW and WHY they are so frustrated!!!!

     
  • At Wednesday, March 08, 2006 2:21:00 AM, Blogger Sujit Kumar Chakrabarti said…

    I almost feel apologetic...for being a man! :(

    I am not actually. On this women's day, I want to declare with honesty, pride and no malice, that we men are equal to women in more senses than one. Which also means that naturally we are as good, noble, pure and loving as women are. I am sure you will not disbelieve this, since, you, for one, -- and to your own credit --are always surrounded by many such men. I think I am one of them. :)

    Second, on this women's day, I refuse to feel any pathos for women, that such a description tends to instigate.

    Instead, on this day, I want to express to you that I understand and feel that this problem of eve-teasing is a real and difficult problem. I am not ready to accept that it's a female problem, or a male problem. It directly affects women. But it indirectly affects us men through this feeling of guilt which has nothing to do with us. So, it's a problem we are all victims of. It's a problem that we all have to do our part to curb.

    Circumstances are so condusive for us all to spit at a public place once; to break a queue once; to bribe a police wala once; for us guys to fondle a girl's body in a crowd once; for girls to get a thing or two done easily with a flutter of eyelashes or a pout of lips...so much so that if you never do it, you will be persecuted for being a prude. For some of us, that 'once' becomes 'once in a while'; and for a few, it becomes 'often' and 'always'.

    In spite of that, there are many of us who have maintained our chastity...I have never spit in a public place, never broken a queue, haven't bribed a police (well, that's a lie, but I have stopped doing that now ;) ), and never fondled any girl (though I can't claim not to have experienced that from girls in a crowded place. Now don't laugh at me!). I think, I am a gentleman. Not because of prudery or timidity; but because I was, along with many of my male friends, always aware of our natural gentleness and had the courage to go against the trend and be exactly that -- a gentleman.

    Eve teasing is a crime like any other crime. It involves a degree of deprivation perhaps. But more than that, it involves a certain lack of congizance about the effect of the act on its victim. For the perpetrator, its his innocence; for the bystander, it's his selfishness; and to the victim, it's hideous sexual hunger (again very sadly attached to males, which is incorrect). Just like other crimes, it needs to be stopped. Through education, social changes, awareness, and in the extreme cases -- penalty.

    For an eve teaser to understand that what he's doing is wrong, and that the revulsion and insult that the victim feels matters, requires a change at a deeper level than mere behavioural. It's similar to the transformation to change a thief into an honest person.

    There are going to be rich people and poor people. There are going to be some idiots among the poor who are incapable of understanding the rules of the game in which properties are owned and shared. They may resort to illegal means of gropping at a wealth that isn't rightfully theirs. Yet, it would be a wrong thing to ever say that being a thief has directly anything to do with being poor. All poors aren't thieves; many rich people are thieves.

    Please don't hate me for drawing this comparison. But look at eve-teasing in a similar way. Let's own it that women have been endowed with a wealth of physical beauty the men don't have. Well well well, I know you would talk about male beauty... but I do feel that there's something fundamentally difficult between the way a guy gets attracted to a girl, and the way a girl gets attracted to a guy. In simple words, a girl in a liberated society may feel attracted to a man by mere physical looks, but, unlike guys, would hardly ever get a toothache because of that. We had a long discussion on a related topic already, and I think we needn't repeat all that here. There are some simple and complicated rules by which a woman would let a man access her 'wealth'. Some men are too idiotic to ever figure out those rules and play them to their advantage (I think I am one of them). And some others are too idiotic to even realise that such rules exist. They resort to eve-teasing. It would be wrong to attack this problem as a problem with all 'men'. All men aren't eve-teasers; there are many female 'adam'-teasers!

    Perhaps, a part of my writing this comment is to defend my 'noble' sex from being verdicted as a lot of sex-starved beasts. But the more important point that I want to make is that whatever are (or are not) ways of reducing the number of thieves and corrupt people or harmers of public property, those are (or aren't) also the ways of reducing the number of instances of eve-teasing. Education, awareness, attitude change (again not just among men), and in the extreme case a strict penalty.

    On this Women's day, my plea to you women of power and grits is to vow never to become bitter about men in general. They are your collaborators in a true sense, with some good qualities of their own, and some failings, but fundamentally very much like you -- loving, empathising, beautiful. Perhaps, some men will start evangelising decency because they feel guilty and disturbed on hearing bad things about other men who have misbehaved. Just to give you an example, I have seen some of my Muslim and Christian friends tending to go overboard in expressing their disgust for their religious brethen especially when there were events of Islamic terrorism and forced conversions into Christianity. A Muslim hating Islam will neither save himself, nor his religion, from people who tend to generalise. Similarly, a 'man' feeling guilty on hearing stories of eve-teasing, and joining in to express his mere disgust will never be able to save himself. He will contribute to tarnishing the name of his sex, and then will be rejected for not being 'male enough.'

    I request you women to look at the problem of eve-teasing with a sense of detached intellect -- the way we look at corruption, war, terrorism etc --, not as mere sufferers of this evil. Then you are sure to have many of your 'men' friends joining hands with you to get rid of this problem -- it's our problem -- equally.

    I hope I got it through to you! :)

     
  • At Wednesday, March 08, 2006 2:33:00 AM, Blogger Sujit Kumar Chakrabarti said…

    Meanwhile, junk the 'detached intellect' that I talked about whenever you actually face eve-teasing. Use your fist, nails, hairpin, pepper-spray, voice...whatever...to get back at your teaser! I think that would be perfectly right, and in lines with Gandhiji's non-violence. :)

     
  • At Wednesday, March 08, 2006 3:50:00 AM, Blogger Pritesh said…

    I agree with you Sujju! But then, the disgusting experiences we go through leave a bitter taste in the mouth! If this is one or two isolated incident, we can still believe in the general gentlemanliness! But trust me, people like you (the really decent ones) are RARE species! Extremely rare.....

     
  • At Thursday, March 09, 2006 12:27:00 AM, Blogger Sujit Kumar Chakrabarti said…

    I agree with you that the events of eve-teasing are very prevalent. But a thing to note is that it doesn't need the whole of male-kind to join in to bring things to this state. A handful indulge in this act; and they do it out of habit, repeatedly. That's why it's so prevalent.

    If the whole army of GENTLEMEN really stood up and started speaking about their gentlemanliness, there would have been quite a racket. I feel the quietude of these GENTLEMEN should be noticed; it shouldn't be taken as a sign of their absence. A hooligan teases a girl to make them feel their presence. A gentleman won't do anything of that sort.

    From my personal experience, I have come across numerous true gentlemen. They are usually the quiet, studious type keeping unto themselves.

    I don't deny that there are numerous UN-GENTLEMEN also. But it's not true that they exceed in number. In fact their number is far smaller. Only thing is: their presence is more starkly felt.

    Please don't let the faith go away from you that your male counterparts primarily consists of good people; and the bad ones are the outliers. If your faith turns the other way round, we have no hope for a better world! :(

    That's all I want to say! :)

     
  • At Thursday, March 09, 2006 8:43:00 AM, Blogger Karthik said…

    I will by and large agree that far too many men are insensitive and often crude.I think sensitivity is one virtue I can safely claim to have, and the main reason I have managed to acquire it, has been my sister.
    I think women are naturally more sensitive by birth, and men just need to learn this trait from them.

     
  • At Thursday, March 09, 2006 1:30:00 PM, Blogger Pritesh said…

    Karthik, I partially agree with you. I don't say that men aren't sensitive. There are numerous men whom I have known who are very sensitive.

    The thing is that these crude men too must be sensitive, only to THEIR sisters, mothers, cousins, daughters etc. I myself know some such items who are EXTREMELY protective about THEIR sisters but have behaved very crudely with me!!!!!!

     
  • At Friday, April 14, 2006 5:39:00 PM, Blogger unforgiven said…

    I thought of several responses to put here but then really, what you are saying is fairly correct.

    Men are dogs.
    Don't ever get married to one.


    *shrug*

     
  • At Monday, April 17, 2006 6:29:00 AM, Blogger unforgiven said…

    Okay after a long search, I finally found this comment and figured out what it was that you were talking about on my blog :)

    Its been a while since I posted this na.


    So, I don't get the kind of men you've met in your life. I know a bunch of them that are extremely decent and sweet human beings.


    Ofcourse they will never ever get a girlfriend in their lives, unless they paid for one, heavily.


    *shrug*


    There's a top and bottom to everything.

     

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